Real Football 2007 (3D)

For those of us who grew up with top-down soccer games like Sensible Soccer and Kick Off, the footballing fare available on modern-day consoles is truly gawp-worthy. Recognisable players, TV-style replays, more camera angles than you can shake a boom mic at... Advances in 3D graphics technology truly have revolutionised the (virtual) beautiful game.

So it's been no surprise to find mobile publishers keen to take their football titles three-dimensional as soon as there were enough capable handsets to make it commercially worthwhile.

Recently, we reviewed EA Mobile's FIFA 07 on a Nokia N70, which meant we got the 3D version of the game. EA prefers to just release one game to the market, so if your handset's 3D-capable, you get the 3D version, and if not, you don't. You can't personally choose which one you want, in other words.

Gameloft has taken a different strategy with Real Football 2007, releasing two separate versions � one 2D, and one 3D. We reviewed the 2D version recently, and that's the one that's been on sale on operator portals so far.

However, it's now joined by an all-singing, all-dancing 3D version, which is currently available only on 19 Sony Ericsson handsets (you can find the full list here). If we're being fair, it's this version that provides the best direct comparison with the 3D version of FIFA 07 that we reviewed.

Got that? Good. We don't need to write much about the gameplay, as the controls and game structure are the same as the 2D version. So the same praise and criticisms apply from our previous review: the lack of licensed player and team names is a bit annoying, and the controls are more complex to get to grips with than FIFA's, but do let you string together some slick moves once you've mastered them.

But really, this 3D version is all about the visuals. As you'd expect from a game weighing in at over 1MB in size, they're lush. You can choose between three camera angles � Normal, Near and Follow (go up the pitch instead of a side-on view) � and there's a choice of stadia to boot.

During the game itself, the camera stays fairly still, but you notice the game's 3D fanciness most during the replays or when the keeper catches a ball, and the viewpoint spins round to directly ahead of him. Meanwhile, there's some lovely little touches, like goalscorers pulling their shirts over their heads and running to the touchline in celebration or the cutaways to the coaches on the sideline.

In terms of pure visuals, it's marginally cleaner-looking than FIFA 07, and the pace of the game is faster. It does lack FIFA's 'Dynamic' camera angle that swoops around the pitch, but to be honest, the vast majority of gamers won't miss that.

The sound is fairly impressive, with some great crowd chanting, although actually kicking the ball is more of a basic thunk.

So, which to buy? FIFA 07 is an excellent slice of footballing action, and one we'd recommend to anyone who wants an accessible kickabout with proper players. The latter point may be crucial for many gamers, we admit.

However, having played Real Football 2007 3D for a decent amount of time, then gone back to FIFA 07 to make the comparison, Gameloft's game shades it. It's a football game that truly does show off the capabilities of high-end mobile phones, with an added dash of sparkle and panache.

The silliest mobile games in the world

Like no other gaming platform, mobile games have to grab your attention. After all, they've often only got a title, screenshot and a few lines of text on your operator's portal to convince you to pay up to a fiver to download them.

We've written before about how big brands (films, TV shows, console games) work well in this context. But there's another way for mobile developers to get your attention: silliness. The kind of games whose titles and basic premise are enough to make you snort coffee all over your mobile screen.

Think Turbo Camels: Circus Extreme, or if you're slightly pervy think Sexy Pillowfight. Or, if you're in India, you might think of any one of dozens of games from local publisher Mobile2win. The firm makes – and we mean this as a sincere compliment – the silliest mobile games in the world.

We thought they deserved wider attention. Let's start with Spank The Ass, whose title screen featuring a coquettish donkey tells you all you need to know about its content. Well, if it doesn't: basically you need to spank this donkey, while chasing your mates around a beach. Genius.

More animal fun comes with Moo Poo, a game built around the simple premise of "Why should you be glad when a bird poops on you? Because cows can't fly! Well, not anymore..."

Meanwhile, Sty Wars: The Pigs Strike Back is an inspired action-adventure that features a lightsabre-wielding pig called Yo-duh. If you win, the porky fella gets to relax in a swimming pool.

It's not all animals, mind. The gloriously-named Anti Terrorism Party Pack has three mini-games that see 'Yosama' battling it out with 'Bash', while Terror Gas has the pair chucking stink bombs at each other (which, come to think of it, is as good a way of settling the War Against Terror as any other).

Torture Chamber, on the other hand, focuses on you interrogating of a prisoner, making them suffer as much as possible before they confess, without actually killing them. Ouch.

There's a saucy side to Mobile2win's games line-up too. WT Paparazzi Edition is a tennis game, except instead of playing, you're a fan sitting in the crowd, trying to snap photos of the female players' skirts riding up.

7 Year Itch sees you choosing to play a wife or husband, and then chucking saucepans at your despised other half, while Sperminator is about... well... Mobile2win's one-line description sums it up: "The sperms are coming! It's up to you to stop them from doing it!"

We've saved the most gobsmacking game for last, mind. It's called Drink & Drive, and yes, it really is about getting behind the wheel while intoxicated. The site says:
"Realise why people advise against drunk driving... especially if it's your dad's brand new car you're driving! Try your best to get home on time after a night at the pub! Dodge traffic and beware of your 'double vision'! Don't stop for anyone... not even the cops! Warning: Oncoming Objects may be closer than they appear!"

It's safe to say Drink & Drive won't be coming to an operator portal near us anytime soon. But the other games listed above (and Mobile2win has hundreds more) are exactly the kind of ridiculous concepts that could attract attention from browsing mobile gamers.

They're the silliest mobile games in the world, and for that, Mobile2win, Pocket Gamer salutes you...